The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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