Your dad touched me again.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
