Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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