apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
