Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
