how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
