i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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