I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
