how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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