Your dad touched me again.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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