yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
