life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize