bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
