SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
