Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
