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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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