Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
