There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Someone came in the potted fern
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
