Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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