with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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