i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
