she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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