I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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