I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
