i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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