just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
