I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize