wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
