Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
