dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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