Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
