So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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