Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
