This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
