And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
