I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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