just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize