Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
