what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
