He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
