I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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