Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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