Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
