why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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