she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
