I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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