I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
