I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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