He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
