Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
