We're like a lot better than the average bears
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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