Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
