they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
