if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
