I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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