we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
