I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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