Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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