yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
