Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
