Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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