I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
