Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
