I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
