that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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