its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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