I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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