I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
