Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
