dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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