At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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