Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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