somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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