so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
