I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
