Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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