I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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