he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
