i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
These tits shall not be calmed
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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