Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
