What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
