the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
