he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
